Heavy Heart

I'm too sad. Too Frustrated. Too Depressed. But I can still handle it all.. coz I have a BIG GOD above..

I cry, almost every night..

Unang dahilan, ofcourse Family..

Pero saka ko na ilalahad ang tungkol dun.

Sa ngayon, I want to shout out yung bigat na nararamdam ko.

Talking to your past, will just cause you pain. No, refreshing the pain..

I've proven it. Akala ko, okay na ko. Akala ko, kaya ko na.. everytime I talk to these people na close sa kanya.. Ambigat.. isang malalim na buntong hininga ang sa aki'y naiiwan..

Ang daya mo po. Ang sama mo po. Saan mo po nakukuha ang courage na itext pa ako o magparamdam pa sakin despite the hurt you've caused me? 3 months rule?
Sobrang sakit po. After mo ko paglaruan.. ganun?

You know, that my heart is sooo good and loving.. nagawa pa kitang icomfort at iuplift sa mga panahong alam kong depress ka.. napapatanong na lang ako sa sarili ko, why am I too dumb nice! To the point that Im hurting myself too na pala..

I still care about you. Your Family. Sobra ko kayong pinapahalagahan.. lalo ka na.. Kaya po, Umaasa ako at naniniwala na kaya mo pang magbago.. na you can still be a good guy after all..

I so much care about you po. Kaya't sana, maging better version of yourself ka na.. Please stop doing the things that will hurt you the most.. Pagod ka na.. Please love yourself..

As much as I wanted to comfort you, and be there for you to uplift you, I can't.
I love myself. Hanggang dito na lang ako.. Paninindigan ko na ang

Isaiah 43:18 Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old

I always tell God na tulungan niya akong makalimutan ka na.. especially all those good memories we've shared together..
yun pala ang pinaka-mahirap na i-let go sa lahat.. I learned.
Siguro rin, ito ang consequence ng Lord sa akin, ang mahirapang makalimot.

Well, no choice, buong tapang ko itong haharapin at gagawa ng maraming paraan upang sa pagdaan ng araw, lilipas din, mawawala rin ang lahat ng alaala mo sa akin.

Kanina, nagsalamin ako, at naramdaman kong naaawa ako sa sarili ko.. ang sama ko sa sarili ko dahil may times na naiisip ko pa din na baka pwede pa tayong maging friends.. or gusto pa kitang tulungan jan sa depresyon mo.. pero siguro ibibigay ko na lang talaga ito kay Lord kasi, ang lungkot lungkot na. Ang bigat na ng nararamdaman ko, ayoko ng madagdagan pa.

Choice ko pong maging mabuti. Choice ko pong pahalagahan ka sa kabila ng sakit na idinulot mo sakin. Sobrang minahal kita kaya't ngayon tunay na ako'y bibitaw na sa pag-asa. Di na po kita ipapanalangin.. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ihinto.. Isurrender ko na lang ang lahat kay Lord.. Kasi kailangan ko rin tulungan ang sarili kong MABUO. Paalam aking nakaraang minamahal. Maging patas ka naman po oh. Piliin mo pong maging mabuti oh!

My PAST Love

Please. Don't bother me again.

Siguro we are both okay and gotten over na pero I still want to forget, I'm in the midst of forgetting everything about you, about your family and about us.

I admit it, I'm still missing the good points you have. Those good things na ikaw lang ang gumawa at nagparamdam sakin. But I still see it as in Vain.

You are my Lesson miko. Painful. 

Di pa rin kita kayang tiisin, so please. Just don't bother me and I'll just stay still kung nasan man ako, ang malayo sayo, walang koneksyon sayo. Just don't bother me again, don't text me or call me. Please miko. Please.

Actually, I've also wanted to talk to you.. to be your friend.. pero siguro hindi muna ngayon.. Wag muna ngayon. I need to build a strong relationship with my God muna para firm ako. Ayoko na kasing bumalik pa sa maling nagawa ko. Ayoko ng bumalik pa yung feelings ko sayo. Now that things in my life are getting back into order, I don't want to loose it again. I wanna be right and just love God and just focus on becoming better while I am waiting for that right time and that right will of God. I want to do that. I will urge myself to do that. I will be patient.

Miks, all I hope for you is Happiness. I have no bitterness in you miko. Be whole and may you find God in your path. That's the kind of love I can always give you.

DIY ITINERARY @ CAGBALETE

From the Thank You for the CAGBALETE EXPERIENCE post, now we're here na sa DIY Itinerary that we've planned. Actually, This itinerary was done within just a week lang. Thanks pala sa mga Bloggers out there, laking tulong ng Blogs niyo. Keep it up! I love reading your Blogs!



ITINERARY
CAGBALETE 2D1N TRIP 
MAY 30-31, 2016


MONDAY
12mn         Byahe from Sampaloc to Lucena via AB Liner
        Juls, Jona, Hannah
4am    Arrived @ Lucena Grand Central Terminal
        We are supposed to Wait for Nikka but since she was late, umalis na kami ng 5:30am       Ride Bus to Mauban via NCR Lines
                Left Lucena Terminal
7am         Arrival @ Mauban
        Stay for a while @ Jonah's house and Prepare, Buy foods sa Market
10:00am We were rushed by tito Benny na sumakay na ng Bangka dahil 3pm na ang next trip to Cagbalete
1030am Sail on Boat, Naghintay pa palang mapuno ang Bangka
12nn    Arrival at SABANG port, Cagbalete
12:30nn Fix things up in the Haus and Ate Lunch (Sa dahon)
2:30pm      Island Hop to YANG-IN Island (Per Island pala ang pay sa Banca)
5pm          Snorkelling
6pm          Banlaw
7pm          Prep Food for Dinner
8pm          Trek, we searched for a place where we could eat along the shore. (Sa dahon ulit) Medyo malayo, nakarating kami ng Pansacola. The place was nice.
9pm          Fly the Lantern (It was for me Letting go of the things that have hurt me or still hurts me. I'm so Happy. It feels good to fly a Lantern. I was freed)
10pm        Trek ulit pabalik ng haus
11pm        Tambay sa Casita para mag-upload. And konting play ng Volleyball.
1145pm     At Bed. Sobra pagod.

TUESDAY
7am Rise and Shine (We were supposed to wake up at 5am but dahil sa pagod, late na. We we're not able to watch the sunrise. And do other things kasi lowtide na)
        Breakfast
8am Ligo ulan
        Explored the Resorts
Dona Choleng, it was impressive. Maganda.
        Joven's, maganda rin.
        Aguho Playa
        Villa Noe, the place was attractive.
        Villa Cleofas, the place was colorful.
        Picture dito at doon.
        Swim swim.
11nn Banlaw
Fix thy self and things
1pm Ride the Boat to Mauban
2pm Offshore to Mauban
Rest a bit at Jona's Pad
3pm We took our lunch. Sarap ng Pancit Lucban & Tamis anghang
Explore Mauban
Umakyat sa Rizal Park aka Kalbaryo
        Namundok
5:30pm GoodBye Quezon, Last trip ng Van
7pm Arrival at Diversion, we bought pasalubong here. Traffic.
Rode AB Liner Bus diretso Sampaloc terminal
12mn HOMEBOUND!

EXPENSES
BUS	217*2	434
BUS fr LUCENA	54	54
VAN fr MAUBAN	60	60
FOOD	1428/7	204
Accommodation	500/7	72
Bangka w/Snorkelling	1500/7	215
Entrance Fee for Kalbaryo		10
Public Boat to Cagbalete		140
Souvenir		50
Pasalubong		300
Yema Cake	160
Cheesecake	60
Longganisa Lucban	80
Sidecar		30
Lunch at Mauban		35
		1604

Nagkabalikan ba kayo?

Tanong ng Tito mo.

Nakakatawa. Nakakalungkot. Naiisip pa rin kita hanggang ngayon. 
Sa totoo lang naguguluhan rin ako hanggan ngayon,
alam ko na tama ang desisyon ko na iwan ka, na talikuran at layuan ka.
Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na hindi kita minahal. Dahil minahal kita. Mahal na mahal. 

Di ko rin alam kung tama pa bang balikan ka?
Gusto ko. Gusto pa din kita. Pero kailangan kong timbangin ang sitwasyon.

Yung family mo, alam ko umaasa pa rin na magkakabalikan tayong dalawa.

Kagaya ng tanung sakin ng isa mo pang tito nuon,

Bibigyan mo pa ba ng Second chance?

For me yes. But with a lot of conditions. Kaya't sa ngayon, wag na. Wag na lang muna.

Thank You for the CAGBALETE Experience!

YES! Bawas na ng Isa TRAVEL GOALS ko! The time we went to Agdangan, Quezon (Ugh! I miss that place too), Jonah have thought of coming to Cagbalete as well. Since then, I dreamed of coming there too, nakita ko rin naman from the posts and blogs na maganda dun. At yun, di nga ko nagsisi. Well, I always appreciate things naman, maliit man or malaki.

And finally, sa hinahaba man ng buwan, ang Drawing na plano ay naKulayan din. Salamat sa Weather🌁, kahit magJune na nakisama pa rin siya. Ang saya! Salamat sa mga nakasama ko. JonahBe as Photographer (Thanks sa Phone mo at sa Drypak natin). Himeshu  as Selfie Queen. NikkaChu as SexyQueen. Entot.  as Enteng. Kiel as Tourguide (Experto sa daan to) and Ian as Johnny Deep (ay Depp pala. Tanned Version. KakaBeach) and last but not the least, Ako as Promotor (na nagpushthrough ng lahat, nagplano, nag-ayos, nagcoordinate, naghanda, nagluto at namalengke)

SAD thing was, Erika wasn't able to come. Ang daya! Mabuti na lang there's no room for Negativity in my Heart. Hohoho. It was all worth it then. I so love the place and The inhabitants in it.

This post will show my gratitude with these people I'm with during the Gala.

Thank You!
for the FUN. HAPPINESS. BONDING. SHARING OF THOUGHTS. JOKES. Sa PAG-ALALAY. Sa PAG-GUIDE. Sa PAGTURO ng Daan. Sa EXPERIENCE. Sa ALAALA. Sa BAHAY na aming natuluyan. Sa nanay na NAGLUTO ng aming ULAM. Sa dalawang ASO na nagsama samin while pauwi. Lalo na kay Choko 🐶 . Kay kuyang Bangkero. Kay Ate Ally na nag-open ng house niya for us. Kay Tito Benny na nagpamadali samin dahil maiwan na daw kami ng Bangka at naglibre ng Environment Fee? (Di ko kasi naalalang nagbayad ako nun HAHA) Kay Mommy, sa pagpatuloy samin sa bahay nila. Kay JonahBe, na nagpakilala sakin ng Quezon. Kay HanaBishi, sa napakagandang Camera. Kay Nikka, na nakasabay ko sa pag-uwi, kahit mejo naligaw kami. Kay Ian, sa pagbuhat samin. At sa nakakatuwang Accent ng Bisaya. I'm amazed! Kay Kiel, na aming tourguide. Hihi. Salamat sa kakulitan. Kay Entot na akala ko ay Enteng, dahil sa kanya di namin makilala si Ate Ally. Di kami makakalibre ng lodging. At higit sa lahat, Kay Lord. Sa napakagandang Creation niya.

Here are the things we did in Cagbalete:

• Boodle Fight at Lunch (dahil nagtitipid rin kami sa Hugasin)
• Rent a Boat for only 1300 for the Islanda Hop at YANG-IN SandBar
• Explored Mangrove's near Pilarosa
• Snorkelling 
• Trekking, we've searched for a place along the shore where we could have our Dinner, as usual, Boodle fight again.
• Lakad to Creepy place before Pansacola
• Flying the Sky Lantern
• Volleyball (But since it's night na, di na namin napagpatuloy and pagod na rin ang iba)
• Explored the Beaches
• Nag-igib sa Balon
• Naligo sa Ulan
• Nagpicture-taking
• Umakyat ng Bundok (forgot what it called)
• Visited Rizal Park in Mauban aka Kalbaryo
• We Ate Pancit Habhab and Pancit Tamis-Anghang (Sobrang Sarap!)
• Visited the preserved Public Bath of Spaniards since 1725th almost 300 year na siya right?

Other things you can do:

• There's a pool in Aquazul where you can swim along, we a fee of 150.00 as I've heard
• Island hop to Baliscar where you can see the Lighthouse
• Island hop to Bonsai Island which I've heard you can only visit if you will stay at Cleofas
• Horseback ride(100/30mins) at Cleofas which I suggest that you advise them earlier or go there as early as you can kasi nirerequest pa nila yung Kabayo from somewhere in the middle of the Island daw. Kaya di na kami nakasakay kasi kulang na sa time e. 
• Kayaking 200/hr(double)
• Frisbee
• Cliff Jump 
• Gala sa Cemetery dun

The Bantay Boto Experience

What: Volunteering
When: May 10, 2016 actual dates May 9-29 2016
Where: PPCRV - Pius Paco Manila near U.N Station
Why: For the Love of our Country
How: Just register thru this link iVolunteer and choose which event you would want to join 
Note: Please bring a valid ID

I am so glad to be part of this event. Since before I really want to be part of an Organization which I can share my skills as a person. And it was always a dream for me to become a Volunteer of any community I can. And I'm really honored to serve our country by simply volunteering in this Make your Vote Count, Boto ko Ipaglalaban ko May 2016 Election.

Added to the happiness that I have experienced was being able to meet new good Friends like them. We had such good and fun talks. We seemed so close to one another. We are so active and alive during the event. We got to ask for a selfie to the Head of PPCRV. Won a freebie (T-Shirt) We are so bibo in encoding the ER's. That I was able to entitle our group as Team Bibo. 

The Work, the are 3 sets of group, Encoder A, B, C and the Call centers.
A's task is to first encode the ER's given to them by the runner. After they encode, data will be saved and B, will be the next to encode. This is done in order to validate each ER's and C, will be the one to verify whether A and B Er's were encoded correctly. They should be matched or else repeat (i guessed). The role naman of call centers, they are the one assigned to call each precinct? to follow up about the status of the ER's, they should be sent kasi to the PPCRV Command Center so that we can do the parallel counting. And they also advise those assigned precincts/Comelec to picked up ER's para maibalik sa Comelec, I think. And we were assigned to B. It's not that hard actually, it's enjoyable coz you got to see the vote counts per precincts. ^_^ I'm amazed too coz I'm able to see how people wanted Duterte as President talaga. About the VP issue naman? Well, that's a tight fight. The numbers for BBM and Leni are really close. 

We are so busog din coz there are a lot of food. And we got to see our faces pa on TV. HAHA! I'll be back for sure. See you then! Let's Volunteer for the Love of our Country!

Tunay na Pag-ibig

Maging ako'y hinahangad ka,
 pagkakaiba ko lamang sa iba
 ay natagpuan na pala kita.
 Ngunit ako ay minsan ng nagduda,
 kaya't ayon, ako ay nagdusa.

Ama, ibalik mong muli
 ang aking pagsinta,
 tunay na pag-ibig
 na sayo unang makikita.

At sa takdang panahon,
 kapag naaayon ng muli ang pagkakataon,
 ako'y naniniwala
 na aking makaka daupang palad muli
 ang taong iyo'y sakin itanadhana.

To someone I'm always grateful with

Araw-araw kitang tinitiis.
Marami sana akong gusto pang ikuwento at sabihin sa iyo,
gusto kaya kita ichat araw-araw at kulitin sa kung anu-ano,
gusto ko sana sabihin sayo na pakiKaltukan nga ng ulo ko ngayon
pero bakit ganoon..

parang ang hirap na ibalik ng kahapon..
yung sobrang lapit pa natin sa isa't-isa.
Ngayon, marami na tayong pagkakaiba.

Ganun ba talaga kapag nagkaroon ng damdamin sa isa't-isa?
yung akala mong kaibigan lang,
yung pala sa iyo'y may lihim na pagsinta.

Nakakalito. Gusto kong kulitin kang muli,
pero nahihirapan na akong magawa.
Feeling ko kasi baka maistorbo lamang kita.
Iba na nga ba tayo sa isa't-isa?
Gano na nga ba tayo kalayo sa isa't-isa?

Ang sakit lang. Sobrang halaga mo kasi sakin bilang isang kaibigan.
Yung dati na lagi kong napuputahan, nakakakuwentuhan, naaasahan at nasasandalan.
Pero ngayon, ang hirap hirap na.

Aminado rin ako, na isang dahilan nito ay iniiwasan ko rin yung sarili ko na ma-attach muli sayo. Kasi, ewan ko ba. Alam mo namang nagkamali ako diba? Siguro kaya ganun.
At saka nalilito pa ako sa tuwing naiisip ko na pano kung ikaw nga yung laan ni Lord para sakin.. Alam ko, na titino ako sayo. Na da' Best ka. Pero at the same time, I felt that I'm not the right one for you. Di ako ang karapat-dapat para sayo.. dahil sa dami na ng maling nagawa ko..

Sana, manatili kang mabuting kaibigan ko na parating andiyan needed man o hindi. Kasi, I'm always grateful with you. You're one of the People that I looked up to. That one friend that I always seek strength to. And most, you're the channel why I found my life back to God. Kaya, I will always be a good friend for you. I value you. ^_^

Whatever God's plan is, let it happen. May God bring out the best in us.

Akala ko

Akala ko Thursday pa lang
Yun pala'y sabado na.

Kung di pa tatanungin si Erika
kung may pasok ba siya
ay di mapagtatanto
na Sabado na pala.

Nung sinabi niyang
aalis sila kaya hindi siya papasok
akala ko ay
liliban lamang siya ng pasok
yun pala'y
Sabado na nga pala.

Palibhasa, naiiba ang aking iskedyul
mula Wednesday hanggang Sabado
marahil naninibago pa ako
Hahaha.
Epic na araw itu.

My falldown

I let myself.
Fall into you.
Never thought that I will just fall into the trap.
A trap that I almost wanted to fall onto.
A trap that I almost wanted to live unto.
Worst, that trap that I've already been through
which I chose to get back to.

I thought I was strong enough to avoid
but truly we should be careful
even though we thought that we are strong enough
we never know until it gets through

Had lost my hope in waiting for you
due to the hurt that I have suffered through
Focus was gone.
Been distorted from what they had whispered.
Distressed from what the world had showered
Frustrated from what the things had offered

Have wondered where it all began
and when realized,
I just told myself, "you've never been strong
because your foundation is wrong".

Now, I'm thinking
how will I get back into my right self again
how will I ever feel whole again
how will I ever fell love again
I know
from the very start
that It will just be founded
from God
alone

That's why I'm trying hard
to help myself get-up
and get back into His arms
to feel His embrace that comforts me everyday
to feel His love that completes me each day

I hope that I could still make it right
I hope that I will see change in my life
To become so strong as how God wants me to be